Is It Possible To Save A Marriage By Talking To A Counselor?

Where do most couples end up when their marriage starts to fall apart? For the most part it is couples therapy or counseling of some nature, right? When neither person wants to let go but they do not know how to fix their issues, then they turn to an objective third party to show them the way. The question is whether counseling can actually save a marriage.

Many people go into the sessions expecting someone else to shoulder some of the work of getting the marriage back on the road of happiness. This is an unrealistic expectation as no one can do the actual work that leads to the restoration of a marriage besides the married people themselves.

People that go into their sessions expecting the therapist or counselor to validate their own thoughts and feelings and fix the problems that they see in their mate are the ones that come out disappointed. What a therapist really provides is objectivity, not validation. The mindset has to be different if this approach is going to work for the couple.

This is not what a therapist is there to do. They are not going to take sides, mainly because there is no one person who is right in a marriage. Problems are a collective mess and both people have some things they are doing wrong and some things they are doing completely right.

Marital problems are always deeper than someone not taking out the trash or constantly being late for dates. What the therapist wants to do is get beneath all the squabbling and figure out what is really driving all the unhappiness and ultimately wrecking your relationship.

There are deeper issues driving those petty arguments, and until those are fixed you will continue to fight over every little thing.

Couples who go into therapy knowing that finger pointing is useless and they both have their own flaws have a higher chance of success. Both people have to be willing to put their own defensiveness aside and just listen to one another.

For example, instead of getting defensive that she says she feels lonely and screaming that you have to work so it’s not your fault; just listen. Don’t translate it to mean anything about you. She is lonely. That is all.

In order to save a marriage with the help of therapy, this husband would have to be willing to quietly listen to his wife talk about the loneliness without automatically assuming it is directed as an assault on him. He has to listen selflessly for it to work.

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